How much affect does one's spouse have on one's ability to be contented and happy?

I've been married 30 years to one woman, a good woman in most all respects. I have some long term self esteem issues and often feel bad by what my wife says to me even though she is not meaning to be mean----she is flat blunt. We have talked about it and other issues. Another issue is she gets offended or angry with whomever and is quite critical of me, others, and even our adult children. I usually have a different view of most of these situations. She gets upset with me because I don't side with her-----I don't side with her because I either disagree, or in the case of my adult children, it is not worth it to me to become estranged from them.How much affect does one's spouse have on one's ability to be contented and happy?
I suspect that your interactions have become 100% routine and mundane. I really admire your post here....you sound like a good guy who loves his wife. I would like to recommend that you and your wife do some new things together. Be the hero...this is your chance, and life is getting on, isn't it? ;o) See if you can sweep her off her feet with things she has been nagging you about, and things she's always wanted to do. She may be just 'waiting for life to take her along'...you know what I mean? There's just maybe nothing for her to be 'thrilled' about..and it may be coming out in her daily interactions. Good luck to you!How much affect does one's spouse have on one's ability to be contented and happy?
Honestly, your spouse's affect has no affect on your ability to be happy. She doesn't upset you, you allow yourself to be upset. You need to take control of your emotions and realize no matter what another person does, you have the choice as to how you respond and how you feel. Read Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. He emphasizes that between stimulus and response, we have the freedom to choose. He was in a concentration camp with no freedom, but he discovered that he had the freedom to choose how he responded. This concept got him through the concentration camp, so I think it will help you too. I also think you need a good marital counselor. You seem to have some communication problems that a third party could really help. Most people wait till it is too late to go to therapy, but if you go now, you can really be helped and have a better quality of life. Hope this helps!
I am with you 100%. This is the reason why there is a distance of over 100 miles between my estranged husband and I. It certainly was bad enough that I had low self esteem and confidence prior to our meeting 9 years ago. He came in like a tornado and tore apart what little good feelings I had about myself. It seems like your ';tornado'; is working quite slowly, though. I am by no means a relationship expert. But the kids are grown, and you are your own person. Best of luck to you!!!
id say ones spouse has a 100% affect on ones ability to be contented and happy.





i was in a relationship for 4 years. i loved the girl. but your story pretty much mirrored exactly how things were with me and her. ...kinda is looking like being single might be the better way for me to go.





ultimately she had a 100% influence over how i felt and i blame her for many things.
I don't know if you believe in God or not but there are a lot of things you and your wife can do like some christian counseling to talk through your issues and maybe you should see one by yourself just to get the stress of marriage off your chest.And maybe you should just pray that God can make things better for you and your wife.